Fat Girl Sins: Surrender

In the way I think, we never improve ourselves until we hit rock bottom. When we think we have, but we actually haven't, we will find any excuse not to improve ourselves. We truly have to hit rock bottom, hard, or else we will surrender the challenge.

The other day I got frustrated, I put on a pair of new, and cute, Hanes undies that have thick waist bands and are bikini style. I love these undies because they are wedgie free and when you have an ass like mine, it's like a gift from God. I love to work in them and have no issues but then it's bedtime. I lay in bed and feel the bands pressing into my sides. I get pissed and grab a pair of granny panties instead.

Since I've quit the gym, due to financial problems, I've felt like shit. I've also had the pain in my ankle and leg return just about every day. The other night, I was surfing On Demand and found the fitness section. I did two ten minute workouts that were okay but I wanted some yoga and found a yoga video for 25 minutes.

I'd taken some yoga classes back in February and enjoyed it but I hadn't remembered the moves so I thought I'd do a video. It was a beginners video and thought I'd be okay, I've done those moves before. In the process, I became angry. I couldn't hold my Downward Dog but for a few seconds, plank was out of the question, and I wont even talk about Dolphin pose. Certain other poses were also hard to do. I began watching the clock hoping minutes would turn into seconds. I was extremely frustrated from this twenty minute session that I had an attitude the rest of the day. Even though I finished out the lesson, I surrendered.

The next day I refused to do another yoga video and instead I went to Kickbox Cardio. I became frustrated during this too because I was so uncoordinated. In the process of learning to pole dance, I quickly discovered that just because something looks easy, it's really not. Once again, I surrendered. The next day I walked only half my usual amount and I refused to do anything else.

Then last night I felt like crap all over again. At 11 o'clock I peeled my butt off the sofa and turned on the Kickbox Cardio video. My coordination was better this time. I still became breathless and had to modify certain moves but I finished it and time flied by.

If we just keep doing it, and refuse to surrender, we can meet our goals and enjoy the ride. We have to take our time and develop the skills and this alternative lifestyle that seems to push us back as we try to step forward. Patience is a virtue, they say, and it's developed and mastered just like anything different we try.