Fat Girl Sins: Surrender

In the way I think, we never improve ourselves until we hit rock bottom. When we think we have, but we actually haven't, we will find any excuse not to improve ourselves. We truly have to hit rock bottom, hard, or else we will surrender the challenge.

The other day I got frustrated, I put on a pair of new, and cute, Hanes undies that have thick waist bands and are bikini style. I love these undies because they are wedgie free and when you have an ass like mine, it's like a gift from God. I love to work in them and have no issues but then it's bedtime. I lay in bed and feel the bands pressing into my sides. I get pissed and grab a pair of granny panties instead.

Since I've quit the gym, due to financial problems, I've felt like shit. I've also had the pain in my ankle and leg return just about every day. The other night, I was surfing On Demand and found the fitness section. I did two ten minute workouts that were okay but I wanted some yoga and found a yoga video for 25 minutes.

I'd taken some yoga classes back in February and enjoyed it but I hadn't remembered the moves so I thought I'd do a video. It was a beginners video and thought I'd be okay, I've done those moves before. In the process, I became angry. I couldn't hold my Downward Dog but for a few seconds, plank was out of the question, and I wont even talk about Dolphin pose. Certain other poses were also hard to do. I began watching the clock hoping minutes would turn into seconds. I was extremely frustrated from this twenty minute session that I had an attitude the rest of the day. Even though I finished out the lesson, I surrendered.

The next day I refused to do another yoga video and instead I went to Kickbox Cardio. I became frustrated during this too because I was so uncoordinated. In the process of learning to pole dance, I quickly discovered that just because something looks easy, it's really not. Once again, I surrendered. The next day I walked only half my usual amount and I refused to do anything else.

Then last night I felt like crap all over again. At 11 o'clock I peeled my butt off the sofa and turned on the Kickbox Cardio video. My coordination was better this time. I still became breathless and had to modify certain moves but I finished it and time flied by.

If we just keep doing it, and refuse to surrender, we can meet our goals and enjoy the ride. We have to take our time and develop the skills and this alternative lifestyle that seems to push us back as we try to step forward. Patience is a virtue, they say, and it's developed and mastered just like anything different we try.

Fat Girl Sins: Sloth

I've been thinking lately about sins. We have the seven deadly sins but in my eyes there are many other sins that we perform daily that we need to change in ourselves. I can admit that I have a little bit of all the sins and then some, so I'm going to talk about Sloth.
Last week I finished the semester and I have two weeks until I go back. I barely work, thanks to this lovely economy, and my chores have been done, mostly. Today, I spent my whole day being lazy. I woke up at 1 which I should stop because I need to get back to waking up at 10 or 11 because I felt better during the day when keeping to that schedule. Also I have times of insomnia and that makes things harder for me. In order to feel better during the day I get in bed about 11 or 12 and wake up at 10 or 11 but the past few days I haven't kept that schedule.
Then all day, literally all day except for bathroom and food breaks and taking the dog out, I sat on my sofa and played The Sims 2. Oh, there was one break when I turned on some music and poled my heart for about two songs. And it was a very sad day.
This is why I'm the size I am. I'm lazy. I'm trying to get out of this laziness that I have but it's hard. Like anything a over weight person tries, it's hard at first. But just because doesn't make it an excuse but we still live by that. When things get too hard, we stop. I'm not saying that every person that's overweight is because they are lazy but laziness does happen in many people that have weight problems.
I want to go out there everyday and walk my dog around the blog three times and a half times, 3 miles like I did when I was going to the gym. But I'm lazy. I don't want to, or I'll start and stop. I'm starting to see a challenge in my future. They say do something for thirty days to develop something new.
When I'm productive, I feel amazing and feel like my day was worth living. When I'm lazy, even for one day, I feel like shit. I don't want to risk developing an addiction to something but how can I think about that when I don't even get up to start?
I say a lot, I just don't want to do it. Mind over matter, please kick my ass.