My First Rate Version

“Always be a first rate version of yourself instead of a second rate version of somebody else.”  Judy Garland.
I read this in another blog by Marc and Angle Hack. I read this blog from time to time. Which in my terms means I have it bookmarked but I don't read it as much as I should. I keep planning to start reading the articles daily for new ones or look at old ones. They have amazing articles of how to be happy.
Everytime I read one of their articles I start to think. They bring back reality and help you realize truths about yourself.
For someone that has struggled with depression since I was very young, trying to be happy can be draining. We tend to do things we wouldn't do just to be some form of happy. Then with this need to be happy we try to be someone else. Pathetic? Yep, but we all do it at one point or another.
If I were to die and go to hell today, I'd go for envy. I always want what others have. I want their job, experiences, their amazing arms and pole dancing tricks. I rarely pay attention to the things I already have, like a great boyfriend, good healthy, and a job, although I don't make barely anything, at least I have one.
I also have moments where I get depressed because I feel as if at this age I should be farther then I am. I'm about to be 25, most have said, "oh you're still a baby." Yes, I am. But for many they are starting their lives when I'm barely having one.
I would be where others are if I had done what they did. I shouldn't have said no to college after high school and just went into job after job. I should have started working on my body years ago instead of just last year. I have no good excuse. I want the easy way out because I was scared.
Many things pass me by because of fear or anxiety. I think this is why I am still having issues trying to determine my major. I can't decide. Medical or business? I don't know.
One can never be truly happy until they have worked for where they want to be.